Although my memories did not come to me in chronological order, I have presented them here as much as is possible in a chronological format.
I also believe that things like past life memories, especially of things very far from our present lives, can be affected, and jumbled or misinterpreted, in some cases they may even by symbolic. So while I give the memories that I recall, unaltered from my regression and spiritual work, I do not think of them as exact, and realise that things may be misinterpreted.
This page presents a basic overview of the most recent of my Elven lives, and then goes on to describe events in more detail.
Introduction / overview
The first memories are of being a very small toddler, on a remote farm. My mother was Tulari, and my father, Draestari, which was ... errr... not conventional. I dont know exactly what the background to all this was, other than my mother wasnt really too happy, and my father away for long stretches of time. Anyway, I gather that something that wasnt too great had been going on, since one day our farm recieved a rather stressy visit from a group of people, they looked Adrastai to this small tot (me), but I have serious doubts as to whether they were or not. I cant say if thats because of my loyalties as an adult in that life, or because they probably werent, in my mind.
The results (beaing in mind this is through the eyes of a toddler) were that the farm was destroyed and my mother disappeared. My father turned up later, having been away, and in a nutshell this is, I think what sent him round the bend. He ended up trying to drown me, and my little brother (who died hours afterwards). I was found by someone who I refer to as the Shaman, as the nearest descriptor in present langauge, and who became my most trusted teacher. Now the Shaman had links through many of the peoples, and tried to get my fathers people to take me in, but they wouldnt, so I ended up with my Tulari relatives, where I grew up, and got the idea of joining the Adrastai (the Tulari's equivelent of rangers/ messengers ....). Again not the most traditional vocation for a girl in a society that liked to be traditional. It wasnt unheard of, just very rare. Despite a few hassles with the training, I did indeed complete it, and think I had the best life ever. Seriously, Not the easiest, or fluffiest (in fact some of my memories are distinctly un-fluffy!), but the one I think was as right for me as any existance could be. This was in the days when the final big bustup with the Corruption entities and energy was starting to kick off though.
Now I have memories from later in that life of being based close to the royal palace in the White City, in a similar role, but the main difference to the gear being wearing a blue cloak with silver trim. Now others tell me that this was the mark of the En'drastai, the palace guards. I remember some duties including being a palace guard, but as an addition of the usual Adrastai ones, not instead of, and while I dont directly remember the term En'drastai, I do remember roundly telling someone off, (during a coastal evacuation of some villages) that I was only answerable to the king himself. I am hazy on this aspect of my memories.
To round off, I know that I went down in the final (or what as far as I am concerned was rather final, having got killed in it) battle between elves and the corruption thingamajiggys on our world. Although I have had glimpses of previous elven lives to this one, I mainly write about the most recent, which I remember the most clearly.
In more detail:
My earliest memories are of living with my mother and father, and younger brother on a very remote farm. We were not the most conventional family, and maybe that is why, in a culture that valued tradition highly, we did not have many visitors? Certainly when they did come it was an event of note, and they were not always trusted either. my brother and I were no more than toddlers at this time, and so this memory is through the eyes of a very small child.
My mother was Tularin; tall, blonde, and had been beautiful, but now looked a lot older than she was, always worried and wary, and my father was, I believe, Draestari (I did not know the term at the time, but his appearance fitted the descriptions of the Draestari) . I do not know what he did, but he was away from the farm for long periods of time. He always seemed angry, or at least abrupt, and I felt that my mother was somewhat afraid of him, although she also would never leave him. My brother, who was younger than I, was in many ways the complete opposite of me. I, despite being a girl, was more the tomboy, and more independant than he. I remember him as always eager to follow me around, and with lighter hair than I.
One day, my brother and I were playing in a den we had built, when our mother came out to see what we were doing, as mothers always do. She seemed very worried, and after fussing around us for a few minutes went back into the house. We continued playing, until we saw a group of strange men come riding up to the farm. I do not know why, but we were scared, and hid in our den, watching.
Our mother came out to meet them, and they seemed to want to search the farm. [possibly for our father??]. I am hazy on what happened after, but suddenly we could hear them saying that they were searching for the children [us]. Our mother seemed to be arrested and taken prisoner, and after more searching, the main buildings were set on fire. These men never found our den, and we remained terrified, until our father returned that night.
[I actually do not know if I remembered this later in the same life or not; these men seemed to be Adrastai from thier attire, and since I later became an Adrastai myself, this seems somewhat strange that I would join people that had done something like this to my family. It is one of the question marks in my memories.]
When our father returned, we came running out to meet him, he searched for our mother, and found nothing, and I was certain then that something changed in him; he went from dour and sometimes angry, to silent and unreadable.
My next memory was again as a toddler. There was a summer festival taking place, and not only our father and we, but many other people, were dressed up and going to some kind of ceremony on a wooded hill. My brother and I, feeling terribly grown up, were following our father , me clutching at his hand and staring at all the other people all heading the same way.
All of a sudden our father turned aside from the path, leading us down a small overgrown track that soon petered out, and then over some rocks to where the sea met some rocks worn by winter[?] storms. there was a large piece of what appeared to be pumice, floating against the rocks, and without hesitation our father told us to climb onto it. We did as we were told, confused but obviously trusting. He then pushed the pumice away from the rock, without climbing on himself, and hurried away, responding to my confused call to him, that we should have never been born. He returned up the path and disappeared.
Somehow, I managed to catch hold of an outcrop of rock, and pull us in, half falling off the pumice as I did so, and somehow managing to pull my brother towards the rocks as well. We scrambled back up to safety, soaking wet.
I do not know what was wrong, whether he was ill before, or injured in some way, but I can distinctly recall feeling that my brothers life force was fading. [translation; that he was dying]. I was shivering wet, and shocked as well, and didnt stir even at the sound of a horse, until it stopped and a shadow fell over us.
The man who had found us was short, much shorter than any other Elves I had seen, sunburned, with a chubby face that you could mistake for fat and lazy on good living, except for the fact that he had a strong aura of wisdom, and clear blue eyes that showed him to be as un-lazy a person as you would wish to meet. I do not recall his name, and therefore will refer to him as the Shaman, since that is how both I, and others whom I have met again in my present human life, recall him. He seemed to know what was happening, and without more ado scooped me up, sitting me on the seat of a small horsedrawn cart.
Here a friend (in this life and then) who later knew both the shaman and I very well, believes that in some way the shaman merged what was left of my brothers life force with me. Whether this was to ensure that at least I survived, or for some deeper reason, I do not know. This is again one of the big question marks!
The shaman took me to this place, I believed it to be a cavern of some kind, wherin there was a Draestari meeting. The shaman wanted the Draestari to take me in, since among these people here were relatives of my father. There was a great deal of deliberation and discussion, and my father actually appeared, although he would not speak or respond to me, and only answered in short angry sentences when spoken to by members of this gathering.
I understood that my father was in a great deal of trouble for what he had tried to do; and while the others did debate on whether or not I should be taken in, it was decided that I shouldnt be, because I was not pure-blood Draestari. The shaman carried me from the room before sentence was pronnounced on my father, but not before the shaman had been given a small linen wrapped package that was to be given to me when I came of age.
I was taken in by my mothers [Tulari] family, an uncle who seemed be an inventor-type, and who I liked almost as soon as I met him, and my aunt, who had a veiled disaproval of me. I have a brief memory of arriving with the shaman, and sitting on the floor, while the shaman spoke with my uncle and aunt. I was still confused and frightened, and knew that the shaman would leave soon - which was the last thing I wanted to happen at this point. The room was stone built but airy, with the sun shining in through a wide arched window, and this place was a lot fancier than the farm had been.
The shaman spent a lot of time, when he could, visiting me, and teaching me things about the wild, spirits, and shamanic ways. I have one memory, that came to me as a dream about this time, when I was in my early adolesence in that life:
As written in my memory diary:
It was a massive low tide, and he [the shaman] was teaching me how to communicate with the sea, and sea entities. Unlike me in this current human life, back then, I didnt trust the sea. I guess for obvious reasons. I didnt like it and didnt want to be there, but I knew this was an important lesson and I was going to stick with it come what may.
At super-low tide, like here on Earth, you get to see all kinds of interesting creatures that you wouldnt see otherwise.
At first glance it was very similar. You had the rocks hanging in seaweed and kelp and stuff (yes this was a hyper low tide that only happened once or twice a year I think), fish in the pools, etc.
Some of the sea anemones though were like the ones you come across here, but most were much larger, like the palm of your hand. the brown/grey ones were helpful friendly souls, the purple/red ones were unfriendly and packed a very nasty sting, and actually in some way were evil spirits. The shaman lifted up a huuuuuge kelp strand and showed me these eggs attached to the underside. They were the size of chicken eggs, but white and without a hard shell. He said these were of very benevolent spirits, and I must be careful not to stand on this seaweed strand (it was draped across the rocks where we were walking.
We came down to this wide pool, with a huge overhang of seaweedy rock and a tunnel. Now in no dreams will I enter a tunnell, they tend to close around me, and not (in that life) liking the sea, I was really seriously not happy. Nor was the shaman, because in the pool swimming round was this purpleish sea salamander-like [creature], and he said it would be very dangerous if we entered the pool. However, we could contact its mate, who was a friend, and she would carry us across on her back. We might get our toes nipped, but only as a warning from the other one in the pool, I was even less happy at the prospect of nipped toes, the mate of the one in the pool appeared, sliding over the seaweed from where she had been in the open sea; she was a much paler colour than the one in the pool, and only too happy to carry us across and that the shaman was teaching someone else about the sea spirits.
And while Mr Salamander certainly came very close, and looked very agressive, he didnt nibble our toes!
We came to the other side and started scrambling up the cliff path. Back to the usual levels of high/low tide, this was a place I knew some people came fishing sometimes. I was actually very chuffed to be on familar ground. hehe.
I also took great interest in my Uncles inventions and projects, and he I think was quite happy to have me tagging along.
I enjoyed other things as well; dance, music, and exploring. It was a big change when we moved into a city; I had never seen one before. For a while, I think I felt completely lost, and while interested in dance, I knew that I didnt want a traditional life, and that I was looking for...something.
It was however in the city, in a midsummer celebration that involved the entire city, that made me take my choice. I believe that it was the first summer that I was there. I was with a group of girls about my own age, dancing in something to do with the celebration, we were very pleased with ourselves for doing this, and wearing white floaty stuff. It was during these celebrations, that I saw a group of Adrastai pass us, and, something that was pretty rare, I saw a woman among them. I had never really thought of this as a path for a woman, nor would I have been encouraged to think that way, but that sight stuck with me, and the more I thought about it, the more I decided this is what I wanted to do with my life.
My Aunt was absolutly disgusted with me "thats no place for a girl" etc, and my Uncle, while he had his reservations, supported my right to choose that path. I never expected it to be easy, but just how hard it was going to be was something that I couldnt have known.
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