There are so many places to begin; in fact, I have decided to begin before the beginning. I present what I believe, and what I have discussed with others who believe as I do, and who are willing for their words to appear in these pages, and simply state that you will have to judge what I write, for yourself. Approach with an open mind, question what you will, and that is fair.
This website, and what I am going to write, may seem strange to you, and a year ago, it would have appeared bordering on insanity to me. I have always believed in other worlds, but in general the more classical alien world. Planets inhabited by elves, and some species that are similar to those on Earth? What more improbable idea could I postulate? I would have been polite outwardly, while chuckling inwardly. In fact, I had heard this idea, and viewed it as “rather cool” but entirely wishful thinking.
Just as the fact I have always “known” about reincarnation, recalling past human lives even before, as a child, I knew the word for the concept. My mother brought me up to be scientific. When it was clear I was enjoyed fantasy and fairy tales, well, all my Narnia books and Oz books were confiscated, as I was "reading them too much". She brought me up to be Aethist, with Christian principles of living decently. If that makes any sense.
I was always psychically prone to drift into other states of conciousness, where I would encounter spirit guides, and what I believe to be parallell universes. All my spirit guides, and lucid dreams were explained away as imaginings, when I tried to ask anyone about them. What I now know to be magic I did, completely without ritual or ceremony. It was something as instinctive to me as breathing. Things not of importance, small things like precogntion, direct communiation with the local cats which visited the garden, things that might seem laughable.
I liked science... I was reading Scientific American before I was 10. Through those magazines I discovered quantum phsysics which FASCINATED me. I will never be an expert, but it fascinates me. I couldnt be a quantum phsyicist. Show me a mathematical formula and I am lost! But the rationale behind it, the twisting of reality, that is what fascinated me, and was as clear as a bell.
So at thirteen, two things happened. I started remembering a previous life in America. in the 1800s. And Mum broke her ankle, and was whisked away to hospital for an operation on it. Before a social worker (theres another tale, one irrelevant to this!) came to whisk me off to an approved foster-carer for a few days til Mum was home , I would be sat in the living room playing about with my books or our old oak radiogram, and frequently hear Mum walking up the hall from the kitchen and putting her head round the door, as she used to do from time to time to see if I was OK, if I was being quiet for an extended period. It would be so distinct, I would look up and even speak.
Afterwards I told Mum about that, and she said that yes, she had been worried to death about me, and kept visualising popping into the living room to see how I was.
I decided then that I was right, that all my lucid dreams and spirit guides and whatever, were not nonsense, and that I should stand by my own experiences. I decided I should 'get a religion'. I looked at Buddhism. It seemed close, but some parts of it didnt "speak" to me. A friend of mine was Mormon, so I asked him about that. Not right for me at all. After various other poking about I decided I must have my own personal religion and there was no name for it. I could live with that, and began reading what few spiriual books I could smuggle home.
Years later again, at university, and I discovered there is a general name for my beliefs, that seemed to fit. Pagan. So off I went to the pagan bookshop (there was one, hidden away in a suburb of the city) to get books and learn more. I got all kinds of books and spent one entire weeks food bill. I bought books on Wicca, druidry, all areas of pagan and nature based spirituality. I got other books as well.
The one on Atlantis, one by the spiritual writer Murry Hope, scared me so badly at the initial reading that I pushed it in a drawer and wouldnt look in the drawer for weeks. Which was silly, as by this time I had clear past life memories of Atlantis. (I have since met someone who I knew in that life). But the books detail was such that it turned my then worldview on its head, which was really scary. (since then, I have come to value this book very deeply. I lost it moving home later)
Moving home I joined a pagan group. Eclectic. I was never one for strict Wiccan ceremony, although I studied a bit about it, and even attended some workshops... There I learnt more than I ever did from books. Mum was fine when I told her I am pagan. When I first went to the group, I had a brief warning on the way about about not joining cults, and that was it. but there still was something slightly *out*, and missing.
More time went on, and then my Elven awakening began in 2007:
To explain in brief, once I was now seriously working on psychic and magical awareness, and just as my life started reaching a level of psychic and metaphysical activity that was only equalled when I was a tot ( Lucid dreams, astral encounters, using latent knowledge, unritualised magic, encounters with entities, all kinds of things and since then I have spent years regaining that sensitivity). I thought I was pretty open about having my existing worldview turned topsyturvy, and then events, memories and encounters with people here on Earth dragged me by the scruff of the neck into the understanding that despite more than a few Human incarnations, I have an Elven soul, and getting past life memories of that, and meeting people I knew in those existances, my old worldview took a huge tumble. All the while screaming "this new one cannot be real!")
And it's strange, however open minded I thought I am, this one was a tough one for me to take. The hardest. Worse by far than reading up on Atlantis for the first time and being scared by a book. This time I wasnt scared. There was nothing to be scared of. That much I HAD learned. But it can be amazingly hard to accept even whats in front of you as undeniable fact, and co-incidences that are far too exact to be anything but destiny. I am only now picking myself up, dusting off, and realising that okay, its another part of my spiritual path, and realising it explains more things about me and certain bits of latent knowledge that have popped up, than anything else ever could.
Sometimes I still wonder if I am going nuts, then I ask myself, as the quickest evidence, if I am, how come I have encountered people I knew in that life, who have told me things about certain events, that I had told to NO-ONE!
And I was writing to a friend recently, we havent been in touch since the summer of 2007, And I realised how much this change had changed me. Parts of my Elven self have re-emerged, to link in with the rest of the miasma that is me. Someone else told me, who knew what had been going on, it was as if I had gone through a kind of shamanic re-birth. I realised, looking back at our old letters, just how much I had changed.
And now I look ahead. I feel very deeply, that I have a better idea of what I am (the sum of my past experinces, lives and encounters) and I look foward to seeing where my path will take me next.... I have had worldview changes before, and reckon I will have many more. Theyre not comfy, but they are.... interesting, and, I feel, a part of spiritual progression.
Its funny, since I moved home in 2004, Mum has been very openminded and interested to talk about metaphysical things, and even admits to her own encounters and experinces... I have yet to ask her why she wouldnt talk about such things when I was a tot. So, back to the story, finding that I had at least one life as a Star Elf – many who believe in otherkin prefer the term Elenari, taken from Tolkiens, “star elves” – on another world, was something I rejected out of hand, for the first few months of awakening. In fact I had experinced some dreams – incredibly vivid ones, of what I know now was part of the Elven life, which I instinctively knew related to a past life, but one that I was unable to map against any known human historical period.
In addition to this, despite my not looking the traditional part, several of my friends, not even aware of the otherkin concept, used to (and still do) comment upon the fact I have a “fey” or “Elven” personality. (Fey/Fairie, and Elven being two terms commonly confused in modern times). I once spoke to a friend who has “mystical” leanings, when I woke up in the night after a very real occult attack from someone here in the present world, snarling something that phonetically sounded like “mene n’in cathai!” and all I could tell you was that it was a magical command, to something bad, to go and never return. He mentioned that it sounded Elvish, although he couldn’t not identify the words, and went on to explain to me that he channels information from some kind of Elvish source. That much I could accept, I believed in other dimensions and entities. I could entirely accept that I may have been channelling something, or a spirit guide had taught me a spell to remove that attack. Again I considered the otherkin theory, and rejected it as impossible.
Late in 2007 various events came together. I was having more and more dreams, not as an outsider looking in at an Elvish world on the astral plane, but in that world, participating, and always, as I came to realise, as the same person. I had a dream in which I was in a local town here on Earth. I passed someone I vaguely know *in real life*, reading an enormous book on the Biblical Adam. I passed him by without a word, and joined two friends of mine at a ruined castle; we were going to discover our Elven heritage. We passed through a portal into a wilderness, a beautiful place, of rugged black volcanic towers of rock, in plains of green grass, and in the distance a blue sea. By one lake in the lee of a huge crag of rock, we encountered an Elven being. Not as you would probably picture an elf. He was tall and slim, dark hair, with pupiless eyes that glowed white. And ancient. Ancient beyond words. We did not know if he was friend or foe, so I asked him, in a friendly manner, if we could pass. He seemed angry that we knew so little of the land and its ways. I had to hastily explain that we had spent a great time in the human world, and have returned to discover our Elven heritage. He seemed appeased somewhat by this, even impressed by my honesty that I knew but little, and pointed to the crag behind him telling two of us that this was our homeland. I then woke. This strange dream, I have since realised, was the turning point. Back in the real world, soon afterwards, I had a conversation online with friends. We found that we all feel an Elvish connection, and there are common points to us all, even though we are different ages, and have very different lives. I finally had to accept the otherkin theory as a real possibility, that or something else very strange was happening.
In later weeks I posted some thoughts and memories on my internet blog, and one girl from the USA replied saying that some of my memories seemed familiar, and that she felt a connection to the memories and thoughts I was writing about, but that she felt she had experienced it as a horse or cat. I didn’t have memories of a cat, but posted my first memory (from before I even consdered the otherkin theory) of a horse and a strange attack by some unidentified demonic entities. She came back telling me things about that incident, that I had not written about, or told to anyone, and adding further information which I didn’t find out, that tied in with other memories later. We have come to realise that she, indeed, was my horse in that life. To me, this, and other mutually recalled aspects of that life, things that no-one could easily guess at; clinched the question. I had to accept the only explanation available that covers all events. That I am a reincarnated elf. That the otherkin theory is valid. Some of the culture that I shall describe may seem alien to you, to speak mildly, and far removed from what you may have previously pictured as connected with Elven cultures. We had our own ways, and our good and bad points, as do, I imagine, most races within the multiverse. I shall write about the various memories, from the most recent of my elven lives, and attempt to compile them in a chronological order, in the next section, but for now, let us go back and examine otherkin theories.
What is going on?
(Otherkin is a collective term for people who believe that they were something other than human in previous lives. If you join otherkin discussion forums online, you will find yourself among those who believe they were either “mystical creatures” such as elves, dragons, pixies, fairies, unicorns, etc, or those who believed that they were more commonly thought of creatures such as horses, cats (including big cats), dolphins, whales, birds, I have even heard of dinosaurs.…) I would be inclined that this is an attraction between soul vibrations, an attarction to that achetype that most closey mirrors your inner feelin, if it were not for the fact of distinct memory.
There is of course the theory that it is sheer escapism. Wishful thinking, in a grey materialistic world, that many people are unhappy with. A dream of a magical world made manifest in the imagination... After all it is a known psychological fact that the brain can produce all kinds of wonders through the imagination, and make itself believe such things are real. This is an entirely plausible theory, and one that I think does explain some, although not all cases. It is very easy in this case for someone to blithely inform you that they were an elf or a dragon, or whatever, and expect to be believed. I always weigh such statements against ensuing discussions and interactions.. But in some cases, I also have to say that it cannot be simply wishful thinking. I recall the same events as other people down to the same langauge, clothes, places, even the same events... Following up such memories with other reading I find reference to the same cultures and traditions on otherkin websites. I tended to use other sites very little at this point, as I didnt not wish to cloud my own memories with wishful thinking.
I am convinced autosuggestion, or escapism cannot explain all of the coincidences and shared memories.
continue to My Memories.
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